I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
