they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
