I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
