I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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