i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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