I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
