it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
