I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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