You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
He kissed a someone with a penis
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
