This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry about my life...
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
