Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
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