He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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