i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
