Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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