I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Every concussion has its silver lining
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
