You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
