You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
