Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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