11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
