I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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