suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
