I wish my penis had an off switch
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
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