We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
