Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
