Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
