Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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