I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
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