so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
