I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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