Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
