What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
