omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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