I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
