Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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