My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
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it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
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I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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