We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
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How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
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This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you