How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo