Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
These 23 Kids Have The Most Overbearing Parents Imaginable
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?