i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.