you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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