woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
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You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
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I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.