The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
