My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
