I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
