dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
