I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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