I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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