i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
