I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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