is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
