Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
