DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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