it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize