I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
