so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
