so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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