She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
