She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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