Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Randomize
