Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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