guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
