my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
