Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
