I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
