He uses pillows to masturbate.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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