I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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