i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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