He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
