I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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