Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
