Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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