Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
The air was thick with penises
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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