xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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