We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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