You're completely useless in the revolution.
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
