I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize