actually, I'm a sock model
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
