My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
