im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
