he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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