Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
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