Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
