I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
