Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
