Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
