In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
