The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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