today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
