how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
