Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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