if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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