That's intense
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
